Dear Ellie: My neighbour, in his mid-50s, left his wife and has moved in his new much-younger girlfriend. Unfortunately for me, a quiet, single man who works from home, this woman screeches when she talks.
Although I can’t hear actual conversations, I do hear her high-pitched reactions and different sound levels which seem angry or sound like forced laughter.
Her daytime communications are drawn-out accounts. She shares these loudly, settled in what I believe is the room closest to my home workspace.
But it’s the couple’s nighttime exchanges that are especially disturbing, due to her high-pitched, loud utterances which can disrupt my sleep.
I’ve mentioned this disturbance to the man who’s been my condo neighbour ever since I moved here, and he casually said he’d look after it. Nothing’s changed.
I’m reluctant to mention this dilemma to the condo board, because it may sound like I’m purposefully eavesdropping.
But this is a serious issue for me regarding daily and sometimes nightly disturbance. Do you have any advice?
Screeching Neighbour
Neighbour issues, especially regarding condo units, call for delicate handling, since the parties in each unit have equal rights under normal circumstances.
Talk to your neighbour again, privately. You don’t want to insult him or his partner. If he doesn’t take you seriously, inquire about the condo’s rules on noise disturbance.
Hopefully, that will help you with any further discussion of how this is affecting you… just don’t raise the level of righteous indignation on both sides.
You can also mention health issues. Ongoing loud noises can cause stress, anxiety and depression in people who are hearing-sensitive. If the disturbance continues, the board has to address and resolve the issue.
However, noise can be hard to define: it’s unlikely that your neighbour is raising her voice on purpose … instead, it’s likely just the way she speaks. Or, she herself may have hearing issues.
Also, consider your own possible solutions: Can you work in another room that’s not attached to the neighbour’s closest wall?
Since this problem can become a legal matter which may involve expense and resentment, it’s important to handle it amicably if possible.
Dear Ellie: Our son began dating a girl when they met in high school. We thought she was lovely. They spent most of their time at our home and did their homework and played games together here.
It began to get serious between them a couple of years later. Our son became very serious about Student Council leadership, and raising money for student events. He and his girlfriend came here each afternoon involved in such projects when school finished.
By Grade 12, he and this great young lady were very close, and they went on to their different university courses. After they graduated, we gladly took joy in their engagement.
Unfortunately, as soon as she received the engagement ring, she turned aloof and oddly didn’t want anything to do with my husband or myself. They now have their own very gifted children, both athletically and educationally.
We now don’t see them ever. Do you have advice for us?
Dejected Grandparents
Estrangement from grandchildren is sadly not uncommon. Once-close adult children leave grandparents “not knowing or understanding” why.
Few restrictive parents will explain. Instead, they forbid grandparents’ visits, calls, gifts, or outreach to their grandchildren.
This generational power-grab takes total control of their children’s lives, blocking any contrary opinions from elders. It may reflect current beliefs that their own parents were too permissive, or too strict, or simply wrong-headed in their child-rearing methods.
Reader’s Commentary regarding your column about a nephew’s girlfriend who would not come up from their basement room where they slept, to join a family gathering (March 27):
“As soon as I read the letter, I thought to myself, ‘This girl is autistic.’ She may not be diagnosed yet, but social situations are very difficult for autistic people. My husband of over half a century, our son and granddaughter are all autistic. This characteristic of the autistic shouted at me from the written page of your column.
“Your advice was spot on. Meeting her boyfriend’s family members individually would be bearable for her, and also help her feel comfortable with her boyfriend’s family.
“Incidentally, there is a test for autism online which would indicate if this young woman needs further support for this condition.”
Ellie’s tip of the day
When there’s a serious noise problem between adjoining apartment or condo-dwellers, resolve amicably rather than through legal means, if at all possible.
Send relationship questions to [email protected] or [email protected]
