Dear Lisi: My girlfriend has a very active libido and I can’t keep up. I am very attracted to her, and we have great sexual chemistry. But I’m only good for one go in a 24-hour period, whereas she can go three or four times in that same time frame.
I don’t want her to be upset with me, or to feel unsatisfied. We don’t live together so this isn’t an everyday occurrence. But when we have weekend sleepovers, or go on vacation, it gets really difficult for me to keep up.
I don’t know who to talk to because I don’t want to talk to my parents or my friends about this. I really need some advice. Can you help?
Inadequate Lover
Just because you can’t keep up with your girlfriend doesn’t make you inadequate. Don’t sell yourself short. I’m not a sex expert, but you didn’t mention anything medically wrong with you. However, you could see your family doctor for medical advice.
You also haven’t mentioned if your girlfriend is actually complaining. The most important thing you can do is talk to her. Ask her if she’s satisfied, or if she’s in need of more. Then together find ways to get you going when she wants more.
Our libido levels fluctuate through life; she may be high right now, but the pendulum may swing in a year or two. If you show your girlfriend that you are trying, you should be able to satisfy her on a deeper level.
Dear Lisi: My boyfriend is a naturally hairy guy. His arms and legs are so hairy that they’re almost furry. But it’s soft and light brown, and I love it. In contrast, he doesn’t have a very hairy chest, and his beard doesn’t grow in that thick or quickly.
Recently, I’ve noticed some dark, thick coarse hairs on his back. I don’t think he knows they’re there, and it’s extremely unattractive. I’d like to point them out so he can do something about it (I’m thinking wax or laser), but I’m not sure how without upsetting him.
I’m pretty certain he would want to get rid of them, but… how do I broach the subject?
Turned off
I’m hoping there’s more to your relationship than how much, or how little, hair your boyfriend has on his body. Be forewarned — hair is one of those funny things that does what it wants. Men and women both can lose hair on their heads while gaining hair in places they never wanted, like their ears (usually men), or chin (usually women).
You can ask your boyfriend if he’s noticed the patches on his back. You can ask him how he feels about them. If he likes them, you’re stuck with them. However, many men wax their back, so you may get lucky.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman thinking about moving in with her boyfriend who snores (June 21):
Reader 1 – “Sleep apnea is a major cause of snoring. It can also be life-threatening. I suggest she have a serious talk with him from his health perspective.
“I finally listened, sought treatment and now I use a CPAP machine. Continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) therapy is a common treatment for obstructive sleep apnea. A CPAP machine uses a hose connected to a mask or nosepiece to deliver constant and steady air pressure to help you breathe while you sleep.
“I wish I had sought treatment sooner. As soon as I started using it, I immediately slept much better and through the night. Before, I would wake up regularly, sometimes gasping for air.”
Reader 2 – “Instead of putting the boyfriend through the sleep clinic route and CPAP trial, I suggest she find a dentist who specializes in providing mouth devices to stop snoring. These are put in at night to cover both upper and bottom teeth. They realign the jaw during sleep to provide a clearer passage of air.
“They’re not inexpensive, but they work right away and can be adjusted if necessary. The boyfriend may have to have a sleep clinic diagnosis of sleep apnea to get the right dentist. My husband got one first and I got a different model. My TMJ clicking is now gone too.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the young girl who has a school friend, but nothing else in common (June 22):
Reader – “Why not just invite this friend to have lunch with your other friends? Instead of saying no and then she sees you sitting with your friends, include her.”
Lisi – If only it was that easy with teenage girls …
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
