Dear Lisi: My wife is starting to forget things. At first, it was funny, like looking for your glasses when they’re on your head. But then it became stranger. She would head upstairs to put something away, stop halfway, and forget whether she was going up or down, and why.
One morning I found her staring at the toothbrushes. I picked up mine, put toothpaste on both and proceeded to brush. I secretly watched her watch me out of the corner of her eye, and copy me exactly.
I tried to talk to her, but she denied everything saying she was preoccupied and I was ridiculous to suggest she didn’t know how to brush her teeth. I know there’s more going on and I’m afraid that the longer we pretend it’s not happening, the worse whatever it is can become. How do I help my wife?
Forget-me-not
You must get your wife to a doctor. I can’t tell you what’s happening, but she needs to have tests done. You didn’t mention her age, so it could be natural ageing or something else.
You must speak with her. Undoubtedly, she has noticed that something is amiss and she is probably very afraid. Show her that you understand her fears and trepidations. Tell her that you want to help her; that her health is the most important issue right now.
Together, find a doctor, make an appointment. Go with her and hold her hand. She needs your support, no matter what.
Dear Lisi: My sister fell in the winter and broke her leg. It’s been six months and she’s still in rehab, unable to function properly. She needs crutches or a walker, which she refuses because she’s only in her early 30s.
She was in a dying relationship when she fell. He stayed to help her out for the first few months, but once she was able to manage on her own, he left.
My sister is beautiful, smart, and funny — and a social being. This fall has negatively affected her in many ways. She’s depressed, has gained weight and lost much of her fitness. She’s too exhausted after her work day to go out. Thankfully, her company allowed her to work remotely, which has been helpful from a healing perspective, but detrimental from a social one.
How can I help my sister find her true self again? It’s breaking my heart watching her slip down this path.
Temporarily Broken
As I’m sure you have a full life of your own, assuming you are also in your 30s, these suggestions are meant to help you and not encourage you to drop your life completely.
Make a plan with your sister. Drop by on your way to work and go for a slow walk with her to start her day — or on your way home for an end-of-day walk. When you go grocery shopping, shop for her and drop the groceries off. Make sure you do something fun with her one night a week to get her out of the house, and include other people for her social benefit.
Make sure that your sister is seeing a physiotherapist to help with her healing. If possible, perhaps you could help her get to and from work one day a week. If you have other siblings, or parents who can help, include them in this schedule. Perhaps reach out to one or two of her close friends. She likely hasn’t opened up to anyone but you.
Now is when your sister needs you the most. This sounds like a long road to recovery and she will need people by her side keeping her motivated and uplifted.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman concerned about another new mom (June 29):
Reader – “The statement you ‘saved my baby’s life’ could indicate a more serious problem. It’s possible that this mom was at her wit’s end and was on the edge of harming her baby. Perhaps the writer really did save the baby’s life.”
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists based in Toronto. Send questions to ellie@thestar.ca or [email protected]
