After enduring 12 years of harrowing and torturous domestic violence, Kamal S. Dhillon wants women in similar situations to know there is always hope.
Dhillon, author of the book Black and Blue Sari, presents a talk and workshop on domestic violence on Thursday (Sept. 22) at the Squamish Public Library.
"Normally, I do a talk based on my experiences and book," she said. "I speak about violence against women, and present a mini-workshop covering things like signs to watch for and where to find help, followed by a Q and A period."
Dhillon's book is an autobiographical account of her arranged marriage, and the brutality she faced on a daily basis at the hands of her husband.
It's a frank and unflinching look at the severe reality of domestic violence that Dhillon says many women never find the strength to leave.
"It took me 12 years to finally get out," she said. "I would always go back because of the children - because he kept the children - and then there were the threats of violence. Many times women feel it is safer to stay in it and keep him calm, rather than leave and have something happen."
Dhillon's book details the abuses she endured - broken bones, smashed jaw, burns - and how she finally broke the cycle of violence.
"After so many years of torture, I was no longer afraid of dying," she said. "I needed some peace, even if it was only for one day."
But it took her a few years before she decided to write an account of the ordeal to help others.
"That took me a while," she said. "I needed to know who I was and what I could do."
She eventually began working in women's shelters and speaking to the community about the reality of domestic violence.
"I had been given the opportunity to speak with community leaders and government officials, and they told me I needed to keep talking about this," she said.
But it was news reports of women who had not survived their abusive relationships that finally inspired Dhillon to start writing.
"I really got serious about four or five years ago," she said. "That was when there were murders in the Indo-Canadian community involving wives and domestic violence. I thought I could help by sharing what I went through."
But it wasn't an easy task to conjure up all those memories of abuse.
"While I was in it, I learned to numb myself," she said. "But to write it, I had to relive it and relive the fear. That was difficult."
She published the book in 2009, and has spent the past year discussing it at schools, events and functions to raise awareness around the many forms of abuse.
"I can help by giving hope," she said. "If I could get away - they can, too."
Dhillon's workshop is co-sponsored by the Women's Health Network and the Howe Sound Women's Centre.
The special event runs from 7 to 9 p.m. on Thursday (Sept. 22) in the Squamish Public Library's meeting room.
Babysitting will be available, but call Sue at (604) 892-2293 to make arrangements.
For more on Dhillon, her book and speaking schedule, click to blackandbluesari.com.
