The words courage and trust have been coming up a lot for me lately. Perhaps it鈥檚 my age.
At 44, I can鈥檛 be sure if I鈥檓 closer to coming or going. And there seems to be a fair bit of both happening around me right now: celebrations of new babies concurrently with friends struggling with illness or grief. A couple of weeks ago a pal (and parent to two young children) fell 70 feet while climbing and miraculously escaped relatively unscathed. I can think of several friends currently battling or recovering from cancer.
The threat or experience of death certainly makes one take stock.
None of this is meant to be maudlin. These facts act as compass points. They are markers showing me that I need to live my life with as much passion as I can muster (which arguably can be minimal betwixt parenting, work, nurturing relationships, and not getting enough sleep). Each reminder wholeheartedly shouts in my face: carpe diem. Seize the day.
I鈥檝e always worn my heart on my sleeve when it came to letting people in my life know how I feel about them 鈥撀燼nd fortunately most of them can handle it when I say 鈥淚 love you.鈥� I鈥檓 keenly aware that we never know for certain what the future holds and I鈥檓 loathe to carry regret. If I have the chance to tell someone that I think they are an inspiration in any way, shape or form, I tell them. Similarly, if I see that I can brighten someone鈥檚 day with a compliment or gesture, I will go out of my way to express it.
Author Meg Rosoff wrote in her novel What I Was about the presumed experience of turning 100: 鈥淭he most intense moments will seem to have occurred only yesterday and nothing will have erased the pain and pleasure, the impossible intensity of love and its dog-leaping happiness, the bleak blackness of passions unrequited, or unexpressed, or unresolved.鈥�
It鈥檚 the last bit that gets me the most 鈥� the anticipated emptiness of not following one鈥檚 bliss, not living life in a manner parallel to one鈥檚 heart.
The most tragic thing I can think of is coming to the end of one鈥檚 life and realizing that you didn鈥檛 listen closely enough to your gut to live your own truth, that you ignored the signposts along the way because of fear or guilt.
That鈥檚 where courage comes in. You need to have a heart open enough to recognize them 鈥撀燽ecause sometimes they will appear as neon signs, other times only a scratch in the dirt 鈥撀燼nd the fortitude to change course when it鈥檚 called for.
If things don鈥檛 go the way we intend, then that鈥檚 what was meant to be; there鈥檚 the trust. But if we simply let life happen to us, passively standing by and accepting what does or does not come, then we won鈥檛 have lived up to our end of the bargain, to experience joy, love and connection. Ultimately, we will be left with that bleakness of which Rosoff writes.
It鈥檚 fundamental that we are kind, compassionate and big-hearted, and I鈥檝e come to see that we must start closest to home. We all deserve to live authentically, to feel inspired, and delight in good things. After all, that鈥檚 what we want for those we love, isn鈥檛 it? A life fulfilled? I suspect it鈥檚 what they want for us, also.
No one loses out because of our happiness; rather, quite the opposite. We all stand to gain.a
